From Reuters

PIPERSVILLE, Pennsylvania - Republican presidential candidate John McCain got a new campaign plane on Monday with one apparently unexpected surprise: his name is on the side.

…McCain expressed surprise when reporters riding with him mentioned it being emblazoned across the Boeing 737-400.
“Really? Is it?” McCain said after the flight. “I thought it just says Straight Talk Express.”

Assured that his name also adorned the plane, McCain described how it felt: “Whoops! I feel wonderful,” he said. “Maybe it’s a little added free publicity, I don’t know, at various airports.”

Really? “Free publicity?”

I’m not a fan of the “CEO President” concept, especially when our current CEO has an executive history of running organizations towards either bankruptcy or the bottom of the standings - both of which he’s managed to do to us. But there’s something to be said for having a little knowledge of the harsh, cold world of “buying stuff.” My friend Chris Kelly pointed this out to great effect the other day - when you’ve spent your entire adult life collecting your paycheck from the government, it becomes less and less surprising that your money comes from a vast pool of people, few of whom you’ll ever actually meet. And their largess buys you things - like buffet lunches and Sansabelt slacks and… Boeing 737’s. Thanks, masses!

But what’s disturbing to me isn’t just that not knowing what’s painted on the side of your new campaign plane - the one you’re currently sitting inside of - seems a wee bit out touch. And it’s not just that McCain might be the first president to demonstrate that he’s literally not detail-oriented. No, it’s that the fruits of donated money can mean so little to him that not only does he not oversee what his new jet plane looks like, but that he can sit inside his multi-million dollar aircraft, acquired with the cash of thousands of supporters, filled with thousands of dollars of ever-more-expensive fuel, and retooled and decorated with hundreds of man-hours of planning, sweat, and thought - that he can then sit on that plane, and when he finds out his name is on the side, his first thought is -

“Hey! Free publicity.”

So… I’m not in Chicago.

No, I’m in Seattle. For tonight’s “Wait Wait.”

It’s likely I was told about this at some point. I have confidence that this might have even been discussed here on this site, perhaps even with my participation.

I just don’t know.

Well, I hope so. But it came as quite a shock to me yesterday, when I looked at my itinerary and really took in the fact that this week’s show is in Seattle.

So…hopefully I’ll see some of you, my Northwest buddies (as opposed to my Northwestern buddies back in Chicago) tonight. If this is the first you’re hearing about this too, well, my apologies. I’ve been preoccupied with long work hours followed by too-short baby hours followed by more work hours.

As partial recompense, please enjoy my sardonic son, appropriately dressed in Celtic green the afternoon of Game 6 of the NBA finals. He was, as you can see, skeptical about the possibility of a Game 7. Or perhaps he was questioning his parents’ juvenile obsession with basketball at this crucial period in our nation’s history. Either way, he was right.

Aahh, summertime. It used to mean re-runs on television. Now it means “Unbelievably harebrained reality shows” on television. The theory being that they’re actually cheaper to produce than re-runs (damned unions) and that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of Reality TV Buzzword Fridge Magnets, the will eventually create a few shows that will survive past Labor Day.

Let’s see: “Celebrity.” “Water tank.” “Humiliation.” “Dating.” “Survival.” Hmmm. Welcome to “Who Wants to Marry a Star: Shark Tank Edition!”

Good monkey!

If you’re a politics fan, you are now wondering why Hillary had to be in such a hurry to withdraw. Because now has begun the season of Completely Predictable Headlines, stories that monkeys could have written for Summer ‘08 back before there were nominees, just using a monkey-friendly “find and replace” function to insert the proper names. Here are a few that I’ve found. Feel free to report you own below.

Many Hollywood celebrities rally behind Obama

McCain praises NAFTA in lively defense of pact

Obama, Clinton to campaign together next week

McCain, Helped by Republican Party, Has More Money Than Obama

See? Replace the nominees’ names with “Giuliani” and “Clinton,” and all of the above headlines still work. Even the third one.

But be careful what you wish for - the next “real” story will be the completely predictable “surprise” “eruption” of some hitherto unrecognized Dark Secret in Obama’s past, something that - by association at least - establishes him as too corrupt, too green, and much, much too black to qualify for the highest office in the land.

It might take a few attempts to find the right one, but such a story is scheduled to surprise us some time before the Olympics. Gentlemen, start your monkeys….

I took a quick break from Evil on Friday in order to fly to Chicago to commemorate/celebrate 10 years of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.”

Ten.

Wow.

Hopefully I will find a moment or two to update this thread with pictures and ruminations. But for now…

Ten.

Whoa.

So, the pilot’s done!  And I had almost the whole weekend off before starting on this beloved project.  Beloved for many reasons, mostly involving the staff, my history with the show, and - of course - the fact that I love Evil.

In other news… well, there isn’t much other news.  Except that our buddies in Pakistan aren’t talking like buddies anymore.  Something about some kind of airstrike killing their soldiers or something.  Somebody’s helping the Taliban.  It’s hard to say.  It’s a confusing region, and there hasn’t really been any time or resources to figure out what’s going on there, not yet.  So… we’ll get back to you, Pakistan.  Promise.

via “Think Progress”

“I have said publicly, and I will again, that unless he proves me wrong, [Obama] is a Marxist,” DeLay declared.

DELAY: Hello?

OBAMA: Tom DeLay? Barrack Obama here. I was just calling to let you know that I’m not a Marxist.

DELAY: Yes you are.

[pause]

OBAMA: No, actually, I’m not.

DELAY: Prove it!

[pause]

DELAY: Ha! Got you there, didn’t I?

OBAMA: Did you?

DELAY: Damned straight. Can’t prove it, can you?

OBAMA: Um… okay, how about this - I believe in any individual’s right to pursue their dream and earn their fortune?

DELAY: Marxist.

OBAMA: Ummm, how about… the fact that I don’t think a socialist dictatorship can lead to a classless and stateless society?

DELAY: Marxist.

OBAMA: No it isn’t! That’s kind of the opposite of Marxism.

DELAY: It is?

OBAMA: Yes.

DELAY: Then you don’t really believe it.

OBAMA: Wait, yes I-

DELAY: Marxist! Wow, are you ever a Marxist! What an incredibly Marxist thing to say!

OBAMA: Tom, do you even know what a “Marxist” is?

DELAY: I know that Marxists often ask people “Do you even know what a Marxist is?”

OBAMA: How do you know that?

DELAY: Because you just asked it, Marxy McMarxalot!

[pause]

OBAMA: Look, is there any actual way that I can prove to you that I’m not a Marxist?

DELAY: Yeah, sure there is.

OBAMA: Okay, how?

DELAY: Got a pen, Groucho?

OBAMA: …I’m listening.

DELAY: Well, you know, just really devote yourself to answering my and others’ accusations about you. REALLY work on proving you’re not a Marxist, or a Muslim, or a “black power” extremist, or anti-God, or a fanatical fiery Christian, or an anti-Israeli pan-Arabist… just work really, really hard on denying those charges between now and, say, November, and -

[*click*]

DELAY: Hello? Hello?

[pause]

DELAY: He took off.

[pause]

DELAY: Maybe he’s more of a Trotskyist.

I’ll post more soon, but I thought I’d open up a thread about the (possible) end of this at long last (probably) ending race (please, please…).

——

Weeks ago, the discussion was about whether Hillary staying in despite the mathematical near-certainty of defeat was wise. Would it hurt the party? No, Clinton supporters said, of course not! Not a chance, Hillary Clinton said. How could it hurt the party? Vigorous debate nev-

Harriet Christian is not going to be voting for Obama this fall. If Hillary had dropped out a month ago, before the tortured math games and disingenuous “count the vote” campaign and the shady invocations of Florida 2000 and Zimbabwe and the civil rights movement… maybe Harriet Christian would be voting for a Democrat this fall. Now… not so much. In a campaign full of squalid turns (invoking Obama the neophyte unqualified terrorist-loving Muslim), these last two weeks have offered the coup de crap - with Clinton putting forth the message that she was being cheated, that the system was “rigged” (as Bill Clinton put it), and that in a fair fight she is the real winner. I have no doubt that both Hillary and Bill will come back and support Obama. but that’s not the point: Harriet Christian won’t be back.

So why should Harriet Christian matter? Isn’t she just one crazy old gal with some thinly-veiled grudges? Well, yes. But no. Go to any polling place and you’ll see that the electorate is full of Harriet Christians. Millions of people vote. Some voters are less bright than others, some are less stable than others, some are quicker to anger and slower to move on. And you need every last possible one of us flawed, boisterous, combative citizens in order to win a national election.

The Clintons know this. When they started to see that their last hope was suddenly and unexpectedly with the less-educated white voters, the Yale Law School-educated Hillary became a “g” droppin’ plain-spoken Jane Lunchpail talkin’ back to that silver-spoon elitist Obama. And if she had to drop a few caucuses and add an election she’d formally renounced to become the “popular vote winner,” well, as Barbie taught us years ago, “Math is hard.” And if a few more votes and volunteers could be produced by challenging the very rules of the game, by crying foul and claiming sexism and encouraging screaming, disruptive protests at party meetings… well… all’s fair in this kind of game…

Except it’s not. No matter how hard Hillary works to Bring Us Back Together, even if she’s the VP nominee, the Harriet Christians aren’t coming back. And they should be coming back. That’s why all isn’t fair in a primary battle, when your opponent believes much of the same things you do. That’s why you don’t cross certain lines, why you stay focused on what really matters and the fact that in the end, there is a reason to be in one party rather than the other. But that’s not what happened here. The Clintons pulled out every trick in the playbook as though there is absolutely no difference between a primary campaign and the general election. And there is. There has to be, unless the difference between the parties is no more pronounced than the difference between divisions in professional sports leagues. Hillary didn’t even obey the designated hitter rule, fer cryin’ out loud…

It’s okay. Obama can win without Harriet Christian. But he shouldn’t have to. And he should keep that in mind when choosing a running mate.

While I’ve been locked in Editland (the pilot is coming along beautifully, by the way…), important things have been happening in the outside world. Most notably, my mom’s new book came out on Tuesday!

Go! Buy! Now!

And while your at it, my friend Bob Powers (of “Happy Cruelty Day” fame) has a new book that was also released on Tuesday. “You Are a Miserable Excuse For a Hero” is sort of a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book for adults.

And finally, just for you fans of non-literary entertainment… Baz has learned to smile in a way that indicates enjoyment rather than gas. Either that or he has a lot of gas, which seems to get worse when I look at him. [I suppose it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had this effect on people…]

I will be spending my Memorial Day (and then some) working on the first edit of our fabulous pilot. So don’t expect to see me around the barbecue.

Don’t cry for me, ardent Tina. It’ll be worth it. The shoot, this Monday, went fantastically well. And though I can’t share any actual footage yet, I can give you these two “publicity stills,” and a sneak peak at me (Spats Henderson) and my new album (with my deepest apologies to Herb Alpert).

Have a great weekend, everyone - may your entire trip be downhill both ways, resulting in unprecedented gas mileage. And take at least a moment to pour one out for the people who, by definition, can’t be there to celebrate their own holiday.

Seems like we’re talking about endings around here lately. Here’s another:  Jackson Street Books, in Seattle, is closing its doors at the end of the month.  Those of you who frequent this site already know it’ proprietors, Seattle Tammy and SeattleDan (Tammy apparently refused to take Dan’s space between his names when they married).

It was a truly terrific bookstore and I can say with confidence it was the site of the best reading/signing of my book’s tour. Seattle is losing a real attraction.

But Hoquiam is gaining one!  I don’t know where Hoquiam is, but that’s where Dan and Tammy are going.  You can wish them well below.  Or you can go here and buy some of their stock while receiving priced-to-go bargains.  Or you can attend Jackson Street’s closing festivities next Saturday if you happen to be near Seattle (Directions to Seattle?  I hear it’s relatively convenient to downtown Hoquiam, but what do I know?).