Self-Centered Gossip Column Piquant

Self-Centered Gossip Column

Piquant and occasionally pungent satire will resume with the New Year, ladies and gents, rest assured. But for now, let me share a little something...

I'm a married man! Like, with a wife and everything!

It was an absolutely wonderful day. In fact, from bachelor party to last dance I have never felt luckier, more loved, nor more content. "Enough," say you, dear reader, "Give us something we can use..."

All right. The Officiant last night was none other than Carl Kasell. He charmed the assembled and even offered a magic trick (a little business that involved my best man and sketch-partner Michael Bernard "losing" the ring only to have Carl magically produce it). A wonderfully arranged song was sung by a quartet of friends who generally lend their talents to smaller affairs like Broadway shows. The ceremony featured all the laughs and tears that we could've hoped to wring from our guests, and the whole affair took place at the utterly remarkable FireBird Restaurant, an insanely beautiful place on 46th Street that looks like a fairy tale set inside a slightly tipsy Tsarist's head. And at the end of the day I found myself surrounded by friends and married to a woman whose beauty, intelligence, and grace can't be adequately described by my poor prose. You can see why all I want to do is wax effusively thankful right now, which is a tendency we humor-peddlars spend our lifetimes trying to avoid at all costs.

I'll offer more details and photos, probably in the Forum so as not to bore those who show up looking for their daily dose of Mildly Amusing. But for now I'll give you these. As I know that many of you come here through the "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" website, I'll give you this quick collage featuring some familiar names (taken, for the most part, at the rehearsal dinner)...

Above: Papa Peter Sagal with Rosie and Grace Sagal, the prettiest flower girls ever captured on film; groomsman Mo Rocca offering a toast which culminated with an extremely dubious Lincoln quotation; Roy Blount Jr., whose toast supplied some very useful information about the effects of eating beets; the bride and goon, not 24 before their nuptials.

Happy New Year to you all! May the year bring you joy, fulfillment, and above all at this moment in history, peace.

Holiday Notes - President

Holiday Notes

- President Bush has issued his very first pardons, a whopping seven of 'em. While the pardons are uncontroversial, that's a very small amount of Christian charity to be doled out by our puportedly pious prez. But one should note that it is "Christian" charity; none of the pardonees appear to be of other faiths, and the list includes at least one minister and one born-again fellow. Merry Christmas!

- The CIA is stopping just short of torture in its interrogation of terrorist suspects. But if that doesn't do the job, they are cheerfully handing said suspects off to countries that see "just short of torture" as a jumping-off point. These suspects aren't necessarily accused of anything, nor have they been tried - they're just "uncooperative." Season's Greetings!

- Ariel Sharon has promised to work for peace next year. So with only four days left before that particular New Year's resolution kicks in, he's decided to binge while he still can. Happy New Year!

- On a much less depressing note, my friend Eric Drysdale is featured in a New York Times article about ol' fashioned 3D imaging today. If you get a print version of the paper, you'll see a great picture of Eric and you may be able to make out a few familiar faces on the Viewmaster reel. What's not mentioned in the article is that Eric (who writes for "TheDaily Show") has a snazzy new website.

- Worldwide selfishness, violence, and stereoscopic photography aside, a very real Season's Greetings to you from Fanatical Apathy. In four days I'll be a married man, so expect a much more responsible, sober, and mature viewpoint in the coming year. [You can expect that particular resolution to last about as long as Ariel Sharon's.]