The right advice for the right people from your Vice President
Dear Dick,
Hi - I'm a big fan and a long-time reader, but this is my first time writing to you.
I'm just your average middle-aged CEO trying to make his way in the world. Like you, I stand to earn an extra few hundred thousand dollars thanks to the elimination of the tax on dividends (thanks!). But that's where my problem starts.
The windfall is far more money than I coud ever hope to spend in a year. At first I thought I might reinvest in the economy, maybe hire a few more employees, etc. But these are uncertain times, and after some long soul-searching, I realized that what I really want is to just be hugely, ridiculously, disgustingly rich.
But anywhere I put my money, it seems like the interest is going to be taxed, thereby slowing the rate of growth of my ludicrously obscene fortune. That just doesn't seem fair! Is there any way that I can solve this dilemma?
Please let me know. I haven't been sleeping well lately; I've been up nights worrying that despite the elimination of the death tax (THANKS!), someday one of my great great great great grandchildren might be forced to get a job. Any help you could offer would be much appreciated.
- Desperate in Dallas
Dear Desperate,
Fret not! Put on those monogrammed Dr. Denton's and pad off to the master bedroom; you're about to sleep like a baby!
If you open up today's newspaper, you'll see a li'l surprise that we've cooked up, something that seemed a little too "hot" for the State of the Union dog and pony show: We're fixing to create a newer, bigger kind of "retirement" account where your hard-earned bucks can be fruitful and multiply tax-free all the livelong decade!
It's the perfect solution for youngsters like you. Heck, even struggling seniors like myself who depend on that dividend income to make ends meet might want to sock a little away for the the years ahead.
So there you go. But there's no need to thank me so much - just passing these huge tax reforms turns out to be its own reward, right?